I had every intention of waking up early on my day off and taking a hot yin yoga class at 7am. Well, my alarm went off at 6:15 and I rolled out of bed. I even wore part of my clothes to sleep in last night. I just did not have enough time to ready myself and drive over there. I arrived 10 minutes late. Out of respect for those that were early and on-time, I did not even try the door. It throws me off when someone comes in late and has to situate themselves while the rest of the class is trying to focus on their postures. I did not want to be a distraction to anyone in the studio. Plus, since I have never taken a hot class and do not know the instructor, I thought it best to just try again next Friday morning.
One of these days I will make it to that hot yin yoga class!!!
Now, I guess my Friday is more typical than I had hoped and planned. I shall run my errands a bit earlier, head over to the bookstore for my weekly fix, and then hit Shelby Farms where my imperfectly perfect picnic table awaits me. I will read, write, think, and dream… until I need to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom! :)
Can you eat meat, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and do yoga? Absolutely. Can you do these things while doing yoga? You sure can. Should you? Probably not.
Yoga is sneaky in a beautiful way. The more you do, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more you want to learn. The more you learn, the deeper your practice becomes. Sooner or later, you’ll learn more about the history and philosophy of yoga, particularly the Yamas and the Niyamas, and even more particularly: Ahimsa.
It is the bad stuff that always proves ourselves stronger and more capable than we ever imagined possible. That moment of clarity when you realize that the bad has molded you into the woman you are and you still love, laugh, and exist in happiness… that is an AMAZING moment.
I attend three yoga classes per week these days. That is testament to how much yoga has helped my transformation over the past few months. Before January, yoga was something I had always wanted to try. Last night in class, I think yoga became a permanent part of me for life.
There is just something about a practice that pushes you to breathe through the pain of holding an asana for two more breaths. That feeling of knowing you held it afterwards is uplifting. Then there are the asanas that you do not try at first because you do not want to hurt yourself or believe you simply cannot be strong enough to do it.
Last night I had one of those ‘why the heck not’ moments in yoga and did Urdhva Dhanurasana (backbend). I don’t believe I have even thought to try a backbend since I was maybe 12. My body amazed me last night. I knew my body was stronger. I knew my flexibility was on point or truly, better than ever. For whatever reason though, I still had not tried for a backbend until last night.
It felt amazing. I was doing an asana that all the bendy cheerleader types were doing. I held it longer than I thought possible. I felt as graceful going into the asana as I did coming out of it. The word graceful is hardly a word many would use to describe a plus-sized woman, but I was graceful. I pushed my self-imposed boundaries last night. I accomplished an asana that I thought I would have to be stick-thin to ever do again. And I am not stopping with Urdhva Dhanurasana.
Now I really need to work on Sirsasana (headstand). I will have a headstand one of these days. I will not stress over it though. I will continue to practice yoga everyday and little by little, I know I will accomplish Sirsasana. I can do anything. My body is capable of so much more than I ever thought.
I love your recent post. I told my boyfriend when we first started dating, if he ever finds someone he likes better just be upfront about it. Never cheat on me, and don't waste my time. Sure, maybe I'll feel bad for a while, but at least I'll know you respect me enough to be honest. I've had too many friends that stayed in relationships that just were never going to work, and they were so unhappy for so long...eventually they felt like they didn't deserve happiness. Everyone deserves happiness.
Thank you so much for your message!
I hope your boyfriend will respect you if ever his feelings change.
“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons, our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever. Your leg, my leg, your arm, my arm, your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.”—Charles Bukowski (via nickblu)
Every muscle in my body was sore this morning. Yoga class with Yo Monday night and then Yoga Tuesday night with Michelle and my muscles are just plain sore. Yet, I still did not deviate from my morning routine at all.
Woke up. Made my bed. Took my morning vitamins with an added dose of Advil. Grabbed my strawberry shredded wheat, great horizons milk box, and the first cup of coffee with French vanilla creamer. Had a quick 10-minute yoga practice to awaken my body and mind. Ripped the next page off of the day calendar to see what daily gem it had to offer. Pulled out my notebook, pens, scissors, glue, and morning reading material. And wrote, cut, and pasted until I absolutely had no other choice but to take a shower to prepare for the workday.
My creativity seems to have been unleashed over the past few months. After yoga last night, I sat in the garden on campus for about an hour or so. The wind had picked up speed quite a bit and seemed as though it may storm. It was a wonderful feeling after a tiring and energizing practice.
Suddenly I was typing wildly on my phone fashioning a poem of sorts in my notes. A moment of clarity with a decision, that has been causing me a bit of trouble lately, hit me like a lightning bolt. I know what steps I need to take from this point forward. It will not be easy, but nothing that truly needs to be overcome is ever easy.
My fingers tapped swiftly and with purpose to capture every thought as quickly as possible until hardly any light remained in the sky.
My solitude is clarifying for my heart, body, and soul. All of which are still a bit beaten down after a year of an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. I say only a year of bad because that was the amount of time when it was just unbearable to occupy the same space. I could not leave though it was not that simple of a fix. That is a story for another time though, if ever.
Each life lesson should prepare us for something that may come in the future. We have to be open and receptive to the lessons though. Open your eyes and pay attention to what is happening around you. You just might be able to save yourself a little grief later on in life.
In my current life I am content. There are days when I am not truly excited about anything, but I think that is okay. I feel what I want to feel. I do the things that make me happy everyday. For once, I am happy with who I am.
Hopefully it will be raining when I leave work this afternoon. I am in dire need of an evening of thunder, lightning, the smell of rain drifting through the open windows, and sounds of rain on my roof.
“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”—Anaïs Nin
“The body is an instrument which only gives off music when it is used as a body. Always an orchestra, and just as music traverses walls, so sensuality traverses the body and reaches up to ecstasy.”—Anaïs Nin